Live, love, burn and die.

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As the columns come crashing down.

I am glad you graced me with your presence.

I moved to: Here

You're in time to see me wrestle with my conscence.

Paint me something pretty.
Take it in, it's not too much to see.
We knew this moment was ours, don't give it up or chase it away.
The seams on our tale start to fray.
Draw the blinds and lock the door. I'm treading water, far from shore.
The water serves to break my fall. Open up my lungs and hear my call.
This could be so much more than anything ever before.
If you put your faith in me I promise one thing, I'll never let go, never let you go.
Put your faith in me and step off the edge, I promise I'll break your fall.
You will fly if you take the plunge.
You said it couldn't be done, I said it's never been done.
This could be so much more than anything ever before.
If you put your faith in me I promise one thing, I'll never let go, never let you go.
I'm calling out to you, can you hear me?
Just believe in me. Just believe in us.
Happy thoughts like Peter Pan. The imagination of a boy that shows we all can fly.
Fly away with me.
You said it can't be done, I said it's never been done.
Just close your eyes and take my hand.
Follow me to Neverland.
This is our happy ending.
This is our answered prayer.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Press your lips to my neck and exsanguinate me.

I am blogging so often recently.
Sometimes, I envy the people who could just keep everything inside.
I hate myself for relying on blogging sometimes. This vulnerability is killing me.
Someday, I want to write myself off this blog. But I doubt I can.

I dont give a damn if you cant contain me in your narrow eyes.
But of course, you're just doing all these to break me. You love to see me fall. Admit it.
I dont give a damn about your approval. I have given up on getting your approval. I have given up on that so-called undying love of yours. Your so-called agape love.

Compare me to her. Push me down with her glamour and beauty.
Oh yeah, sure. She's so much better. A better everything. Good results, good manners, good character, sweet mouth, good looks. Who could ask for more?

You can do what you want. Ground me. Give me one of your amazing lectures. Use those hands that worked so hard for a better life and bring it across my face. Tell me to cut my bloody hair. Do whatever you want. But you know something? I am not listening.

Lies, lies, lies. Fill me up to the brim with your lies. I really dont mind.
Because now I am telling you, I need your lies to stay alive. I need my lies to stay alive.
I tried plucking myself away from all these lies. But deceit always have ways of sticking around. But I have to admit, I need them. They are addictive. They protect me. I dont care if they destroy me in the future. I dont mind if I die in this world of lies. I really dont.
I am a self deceiving idiot. A fool. /laughs at own plight bitterly.

So, here I am, left in the dust. Falling into the unknown world of insanity.
How come misery loves me? Am I like a depression magnet?
I was once standing on top of the city. I was once looking down on everyone and everything.

Now? Now, I am the small little bug trying not to get squished as people are running through the grass. I am the book that is being thrown from bully to bully, the game called keep-away-from-the-nerd. I am that ragdoll that gets thrown away after use.
But I guess, it's alright. I am used to it. I am used to being the ragdoll. Thrown after use.
I am used to being taken granted of. I am used to giving away my everything for a few insults. I am used to carry the burden and then jumping into the sea with it.

And sometimes, I ask myself why am I so naive.
Why do I give away everything knowing that it wouldnt be reciprocated in the end?
I have always asked myself, "Why do I like to hurt so much?"
I bleed just to feel alive. I fail just to taste the defeat. I fall just to experience the sensation of falling. I swim just to drown. I do things that I am not supposed to do just to see whether the consequences would be the same as i had expected. All in all, I do things for supposedly random reasons.

I dont know the exact reason why I do things. But someday I hope I do.

I take back what I had been saying.
How naive I am to think that happiness would exist if I let it be.
Happiness is just a child's dream. A dream that is so far away from.
I guess there are certain things that give me a short period of joy, like getting a hit from drugs.

Hey. Lets have a paint fight, yeah?
We'll wear white, bring out old paint and just fling it at one another.
It would be so much fun. Just to be able to shrug my troubles away for a second.
Run to the ends of earth with me. Run away from these troubles for a moment.
Just a moment is all I ask for. Then I'll go back to being invisible.

Walk down those busy streets. Or run down those lonely roads.
Let's go. Anywhere. Just let me be near you.

I'm losing my grip on the rope of life, it's making me slowly fall.

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